Batman '66 meets Wonder Woman '77: the lost scenes
by TouchedbyaMunster
Summary: Set in the TV universe of Adam West's Batman and Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman and based on the recent comic crossover series of the same name. This features scenes I would've liked to have seen in that series. May contain spoilers for those who haven't read the series.
1. Chapter 1

Batman' 66 meets Wonder Woman '77: the Lost Scenes

Note: this story is set in the Batman '66/Wonder '77 television universe and is following the continuity of the comic crossover of the same name. Although the writers set the 60's portion in 1966 and the 70's portion in 1977, I argue that it would have to been set later, given Catwoman staying on the island and holiday episodes and comic stories of Wonder Woman, along with other factors. This first part is set in 1969.

Catwoman watched the Batplane leave Themyscira, mixed with both feelings of glee and sorrow.

 _Well, the only man I ever loved is gone, but at least he won't be around to meddle with my schemes._ The Feline Fatale thought.

"Catwoman," Wonder Woman said, "as a new guest to Paradise Island, I'd like to introduce you to my mother."

"Your mother?" Catwoman asked.

"Yes," Drusilla said, "You'll love her! Come on, let's go!" A short while later, they arrived in a palace on the other side of the island. Diana, Drusilla and Catwoman entered the royal chamber.

"Mother, I have someone I'd like you to meet," Diana said, "She's requested asylum here on the island and I've granted her wish, provided she abide by Amazonian laws and customs."

"Are _they_ gone?" the Queen asked, her figure shrouded in shadow.

"Yes, Mother, the invaders have fled, though we caught the daughter of the Demon, and she's locked away in the dungeon. Batman and Robin have departed for Gotham City." Diana said.

"Excellent, my Queenly duties may now resume." Queen Hippolyta said, as she comes forward, dressed in purple robes and a golden tiara. "Welcome, sister! I am Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons! What is your name?"

"Selina," Catwoman said, "Selina Kyle, queen of cri—er, cats. Y'know, you remind me of an acquaintance of mine who is also a queen…of diamonds."

"Interesting," Hippolyta said, "Are you a worshipper of Hecate, then?"

"You could say that." Selina said.

"Catwoman- Selina – is a criminal from Gotham City," Diana said, "but she desires to stay here with hopes to reform and build a better life."

"We Amazons are all about second chances for all womankind, Selina. Make this island your home." Hippolyta said, "If you abide by our customs and treat everyone with respect, we, in turn, will do the same to you. But be warned: should you violate our laws in anyway, you shall share a cell with the invader's daughter!"

"Understood," Selina said, "Wait a minute, where were you when we arrived? I didn't think a queen deserted her people."

"I do nothing of the sort!" Hippolyta said.

"Mother simply doesn't trust men," Diana said.

"After the Nazis invaded, I couldn't take any more chances," Hippolyta said, "Crime fighters or not, men cannot be trusted. I retreated to my sanctum on the Eastern part of the island to contemplate and pray to the gods. Athena gave me wisdom, so I sent Drusilla out to help stop Ra's Al Ghul."

"And she didn't a pretty good job of it too, didn't you, Dru?" Diana said, turning to her little sister.

"Well, I would've done better, if he hadn't gotten away." Drusilla said.

"It's not your fault, child." Hippolyta said, "All men must reap the consequences of their actions, sooner or later. But now we must question Talia Al Ghul, and then we can start Selina on her training."

"Training?" Selina asked.

"Yes," Hippolyta replies, "We will teach you what it means to be a true Amazon warrior!"

"Mother," Diana whispered, "Shouldn't we wait until she is completely reformed? She could use her Amazon training against us."

"Nonsense, daughter," Hippolyta scoffed, "Man's world has infected you with cynicism. All women are our sisters and deserve a second chance and the benefit of the doubt."

"You have a point, Mother," Diana said, "But I'd be careful when questioning Talia, though. Back when I was Wonder Woman in America, I questioned a member of the League of Shadows with my lasso of truth and he disintegrated right before my eyes! I'm sure the daughter of the Demon's Head will not easily share secrets."

"Well, I believe we have someone to help us with that, don't we?" Hippolyta asked. "An old friend of yours."

A beautiful young blonde woman walked in.

"Fausta!" Diana exclaimed, "So nice to see you again, sister!"

"You as vell, Diana," Fausta said, in a German accent.

"Catwo—Selina," Diana said, "I'd like you to meet my friend, Fausta Grables."

"How do you do?" Catwoman asked, extending her hand and shaking hands with her. "I'm Selina Kyle."

"Nice to meet you." Fausta said.

"Fausta used to be an Olympic athlete who was duped into working for the Nazis during World War II." Wonder Woman said, "I saw the good inside of her, and offered her to come live here as an Amazon on Paradise Island."

"The best decision I've ever made!" Fausta said.

"I vaguely remembered reading about your exploits during the War," Catwoman said, "I never did pay much attention in history class though. You posed as a Nazi Wonder Woman, right?"

"That's right," Fausta said, "but thanks to Diana, I've turned over a new leaf, and so can you."

"Fausta's going to help us interrogate Talia." Diana said.

"Rena, Dalma!" Hipployta called.

"Yes, your majesty," the 2 Amazons replied as they came forward.

"Bring Talia Al Ghul to my throne room, but be careful." Hippolyta ordered.

"Yes, your majesty." they said.

A short while later, they bring Talia to the Queen's throne room in shackles.

"Talia Al Ghul," Hippolyta said, "We haven't had the pleasure. I am Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. You and your father have violated sacred Amazonian law, and for that you must face justice."

"We need to know what your father's plans are." Wonder Woman said, brandishing her lasso of truth.

"Your magic lasso won't work on me, Princess." Talia scoffed, "Surely you must realize that by now, after your attempt to force the truth from my father's agents at Wayne Manor all those years ago. The League of Shadows will never expose itself, least of all the daughter of the Demon's Head!"

"Talia, I know you loved Bruce," Diana said, "Surely you don't want your father to harm him. Help us stop him."

"My father does what he must for the good of mankind," Talia said, "He plans to remake the Earth into a paradise, much like what you see around you on this island."

"How does he plan to do zis?" Fausta demanded, "Talk!"

"In order for Father to achieve his goal, much of humanity must be eliminated." Talia said.

"Where is your father now?" Diana asked.

"I will never betray the League of Shadows! Torture me all you wish, the location must remain secret!" Talia said.

"Ve haff ways of making you talk." Fausta said.

"Purr-haps I can purr-suade her," Catwoman said, "Talk! I'm going to keep scratching until you do!"

"Fausta! Catwoman! Enough!" Hippolyta shouted. "Guards, take her back to her cell!"

"My father will not be stopped!" Talia shouted.

 _I wonder how Batman is faring without me…_ Catwoman thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Gotham City, 1970

Batman and Robin were chasing the Archer through town.

"Holy merry men, Batman!" Robin exclaimed, "How are we going to outwit Archer this time?"

"Take heed, old chum!" Batman said, "Good always triumphs in the end!" The Batmobile was in hot pursuit of the Archer's new arrowmobile.

"Confound it, even with mine new chariot with horsepower, ye sheriffs of Gothamham are still on mine tail! Make haste, ye merry men, and lay waste to the Cape-ed crusaders!" The Archer's henchmen, dressed in medieval garb, jumped out of the back seat of the vehicle and headed toward the oncoming Batmobile.

 **POW! BAM!** The Dynamic Duo punched the henchmen off the car.

"Hit 'em with the batzooka, old chum!" Batman shouted.

"Right, Batman!" Robin exclaimed, as he whipped out a small weapon.

"Run for it, knaves!" Archer shouted, "Make haste!" Robin fired at the fleeing criminals. He hit the Arrowmobile. Archer lost control of the vehicle and slid into a ditch.

"The game's up, Archer!" Batman said, jumping out of the Batmobile and placing the bat-cuffs malignant marksman, "Those who rob from the rich to make themselves rich must learn that crime never pays. Warden Crichton awaits your return. I also have a feeling a certain hero from Star City will want to speak to you about copyright infringement regarding your vehicle."

Suddenly, Robin heard a beeping coming from his own utility belt.

"Holy distress calls!" Robin exclaimed, as he took out the small radio, "Robin to Titans tower! What's the trouble?"

"Robin," a female voice said, "Mad Mod has escaped again!"

"I'll be right there, Drusilla,' Robin replied, "Round up Victor, Wally, Kori and Gar!"

"Go, old chum!" Batman said, "The Titans need you! I'll take care of Archer!"

Robin raced over to Titans Tower, where the rest of the Teen Titans were waiting for him.

"Drusilla, what's going on?" Robin asked the junior partner of Wonder Woman, also known as Wonder Girl. Before she can speak, a reception came over the monitor screen.

"Mad Mod is what's goin' on, me duckies!" the red-haired British man said. He was dressed in a disco outfit and wore purple sunglasses. "With the mod set becoming ever more popular in jolly ol' England, I've decided to take control of Gotham as well! With help from Lord Ffogg, I think I've concocted the perfect scheme! And you lot won't spoil my fun this time!"

"Wanna bet?" Robin retorted.

"Not even the bloody Avengers, John Steed, Emma Peel or Tara King could stop me!" Mod yells, "What chance have you brats got?"

"Don't underestimate us!" Drusilla shouted. "I come from an island of trained warriors! I've best minotaurs, Nazis, and Ra's Al Ghul!"

"I didn't ask for your resume, dearie!" Mod said, "Anyway, be seeing you lot!"

 **MEANWHILE, BRUCE WAYNE SPENDS A QUIET EVENING AT STATELY WAYNE MANOR…**

"Master Bruce," faithful butler Alfred said, as he comes walking into the study of Wayne Manor, "With Master Dick off helping his youthful compatriots, I was thinking that you and I could go to see a movie or something. You know, for old times' sake?"

"You know how I feel about that, Alfred," Bruce said, "I rarely see movies today outside of my civic responsibilities, after the deaths of my parents."

"Of course, sir," Alfred said. "But one would think that—"

Suddenly, the butler was interrupted by screaming from the next room. They rushed into the living room, where Aunt Harriet is having a nervous breakdown.

"What's wrong, Aunt Harriet?" Bruce asked calmly.

"Oh, Bruce! Alfred!" Harriet Cooper replied, "I was reading the newspaper and I saw some disturbing news. A pilot in Coast City crash landed while doing a test flight with Ferris airlines!"

"Ferris airlines?" Bruce said, "I have stock in that company. Will the pilot be alright?"

"It says they haven't found his body yet," Harriet said, "It just makes me so nervous with Dick on the verge of graduation and hanging out with that group of youngsters in Jump City so often, it just makes me think something like that'll happen to him."

"Rest easy, Aunt Harriet," Bruce said, "Remember, Dick comes from a family of trained acrobats. He'll be fine."

"I know, but poor John and Mary couldn't avoid their terrible fates at the hands of that monster, Tony Zucco." Harriet said.

"Rest assured, Harriet, I give you my solemn word I won't let anything happen to that boy." Bruce said.

 **MEANWHILE, AT TITANS TOWER, THE TITANS ARE FACING THE MALEVOLENT MASTERMIND, MAD MOD!**

Robin, Drusilla. Beast Boy, Cyborg, Starfire and Kid Flash are all chained to desks as Mad Mod's hypno-screens attempt to mesmerize them.

"You lot spoiled my fun in Riverdale," Mad Mod said, "But now I'm gonna make sure you never ruin anyone's fun again! We may have entered the 70's, but I'm gonna see to it you little snots stay in the 1960's forever!"

"Why are you obsessed with the 60's?" Drusilla asked.

"Because it's the last decade where anything made sense!" Mad Mod snapped. "Ever since Nixon took office, things haven't been the same!"

"We didn't ask for political opinions, Mod!" Beast Boy said.

"Well, it doesn't matter, my duckies, because Lord Ffogg's psychedelic fog is gonna keep you duckies in mod style!" Mad Mod said, as Lord Ffogg's pipe emits hallucinogenic gas.

"As the yanks say, this party is a gas!" Ffogg said. "I must say, Moddie ol' chap, after my alliance with Miss Gough and Mr. Freeze, and since my sister is no longer on speaking terms with me, this partnership with you should prove fruitful."

"Not quite, Lord Ffogg," came a voice, as a blue-gloved fist knocked the monocle off of Ffogg's face.

"What?" Mod asked, momentarily distracted. Robin quickly grabbed Mod's cane with his legs and hit Mod with it, shutting off the hypno-screens and freeing the titans from their shackles.

"No!" Mod screamed.

"Oh, yes, Mod!" Robin said. Cyborg punched the sinister schoolteacher.

"Thanks for the assist, Batman, but we could've handled it, Robin said, turning to his senior partner.

"I know, old chum, but I was on my way here to give you a graduation present." Batman said, "Fortunately, I was able to subdue these fiends."

"Oh joyous day!" Starfire exclaimed, "The day of Dick's graduation is upon us!"

 **THE FOLLOWING MORNING AT WOODROW ROOSEVELT HIGH SCHOOL…**

Bruce, Alfred, Barbara Gordon, Harriet Cooper, Starfire, Drusilla, Beast Boy, Cyborg and Wally West were all seated for Dick's graduation.

"…And graduating with highest honors, Richard Grayson!" Principal Schoolfield announced. Bruce and company stood and applauded as Dick received his diploma.

Later on, at Dick's graduation party at Stately Wayne Manor…

"Congratulations, Dick!" Barbara said, giving him a hug.

"I guess we can't be known as the Teen Titans anymore!" Garfield Logan said.

"You've grown into a fine young man," Commissioner Gordon said.

"Thanks, Commissioner," Dick said.

"Drusilla, I've been meaning to ask you," Bruce said, as he pulled Drusilla aside, "How is Catwoman doing on Paradise Island?"

"Oh, she's adjusting to life on the island perfectly, Mr. Wayne." Drusilla said.

"She hasn't diverted to her criminal ways?" Bruce asked.

"Not as far as I'm aware," Drusilla said. "Mother let me leave the island a few months ago, and ever since then I've been with the Titans. Diana's been filling me in on what's been going on. I haven't been to man's world since 1942."

"I remember reading about your World War II exploits," Bruce said, "And Talia?"

"Diana questioned her, but I don't think they've been able to find anything out about her father's plans." Drusilla said.

"Dick has your team, I think time I assembled a legendary team of my own." Bruce said. "Wallace, can you run a note to your friend in Central City?"

"Sure thing, Mr. Wayne!" Wally said.


	3. Chapter 3

Paradise Island, 1972.

Hippolyta, Wonder Woman, Catwoman and Fausta were fighting Circe.

"What's going on?" Catwoman asked, as she brushed her long brown hair out of her face.

"Circe!" Wonder Woman exclaimed, "She's back!"

"And will soon head back to Tartarus!" Hippolyta declared.

"Lorelei Circe? The Siren?" Catwoman asked, "But she's back in her cell at Arkham!"

"She's no siren!" Diana said, "Circe is the goddess who can turn men into swine!"

"You mean they aren't already?" Catwoman quipped.

"My powers work on Amazons too!" Circe said, "Care for a demonstration?"

She turned Magda and Dalma into fearsome animals.

"I thought you said she only turned people into pigs?" Catwoman asked Diana.

"Oh, I've got a few tricks up my sleeve!" Circe said.

"Change them back, Circe!" Diana demanded.

"Sorry princess, but your sisters have unleashed their inner beasts!" Circe said.

"Maybe ve should contact Drusilla," Fausta said.

"No!" Diana said, "We can beat Circe by ourselves! Drusilla's better off far away from this! Besides, the Titans need her!"

"Titans?" Catwoman asked, "Oh yeah, that's Bird Boy's little team. Maybe I'd have a chance with Batman now!"

"Focus, Selina!" Diana said, "We need to stop Circe and save our sisters!"

"You're right," Selina said, "Like you, Diana, I have a way with animals, particularly the feline ones." She leapt out from behind an ancient column and landed in front of the fearsome beasts, that just so happened to be a lion and a tiger. She took her whip from her belt that kept her Amazonian toga in place over her tall, curvaceous form, and cracked it in front of the beasts.

"Alright, that's enough!" Selina commanded, "Sit!" The lions obeyed.

"Good girls," Selina said. "Now, get Circe!" The lions leapt after the goddess before she could stop them.

"Stop!" Circe shouted, "I command you!"

"You have no control over them anymore, Circe!" Diana said, as she wrapped her in her magic lasso, "Now change these beasts back into my sisters!"

"Oh, very well!" Circe said, as Magda and Dalma reverted back to human form.

"Restrain her, sisters!" Hippolyta commanded, "General Phillipus, put the magic-dampening shackles on her!"

"Yes, your majesty," Phillipus said as she bound her.

"Looks like Talia Al Ghul will have company in prison," Diana said.

"Not prison, Diana, at least not on the island," Hippolyta said, "We're sending Circe straight back to Tartarus!"

"Meanwhile, I wonder how Batman is doing back in Gotham without me," Catwoman said, "I bet he misses me."

"Do you miss him, Selina?" Diana asked.

"Well, to be purr-fectly honest, I do miss his manly voice shouting, 'Catwoman, you're under arrest.'" Selina replied.

"But you're not getting into trouble anymore," Diana said, "Aside from the time you tried to steal some Amazonian gold coins and Mother reprimanded you, you've shown remarkable character growth these last couple years."

"You're right," Selina said, "And I have you to thank, Diana. With your help, I've become a new woman. I just wonder if Batman's changed without me in his life anymore."

 **MEANWHILE, IN GOTHAM CITY, CATWOMAN'S QUESTIONS ARE ANSWERED!**

Batman was chasing Two-Face in the Batmobile.

"Harvey, stop this madness!" Batman shouted.

"Not a chance, Batman!" Two-Face said, "You come any closer and Gordon and O'Hara are gonna fry! I've flipped my coin and bad heads won out!" He turned on a giant TV monitor which showed Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara suspended over a flame while tied to a giant statue of Lady Justice.

"Release them immediately, Harvey!" Batman pleaded, "I swear to you the courts can show leniency!"

"Leniency? Ha!" Two-Face scoffed, "Don't make me laugh, Batman! I used to be a lawyer! I know all about the system! In two minutes, Gordon and O'Hara are—"

Suddenly, a figure leapt out of the shadows and kicked the bisected baddie square in the jaw. The control switch Two-Face used flung out of his hand, and Batman picked up and used it to rescue his friends.

"Thank you…Nightwing," Batman said, as the figure stepped out of the shadows. It was Dick Grayson, having taken on the new crime-fighting moniker, Nightwing, and wearing blue, disco-type threads.

"No problem, Batman!" he said, "I would've been here sooner, but Crazy Quilt and Sweet Tooth were causing trouble in Bludhaven."

"Not to worry, old chum, I could've handled Two-Face," Batman said.

"Sure you could, just like you handled Ventriloquist and Scarface last week!" Nightwing said sarcastically.

"I could've gotten out of that giant puppet deathtrap without your help." Batman said, "Not that I don't value it of course. The truth is, ever since your Aunt Harriet passed away a few months ago, crime fighting hasn't been the same without you. You've gone and moved on to Bludhaven, Catwoman has been away on Paradise Island for the last three years, I miss the rapport we used to have!"

"Holy sentimentality, Batman!" Nightwing exclaimed, "At least you have Batgirl! I had to leave the nest and fly on my own. Aunt Harriet's death was too much for me, after that giant piano from Chandell's twin brother fell on her by accident. I'll never forget her dying words when she realized you and I were her loved ones: 'Mercy alive, Dick Grayson! Now, show that son of gun who's boss! Make me proud!' And I haven't stopped making her proud since!"

"Harriet would be very proud of you, Dick!" Batman said. "Now, come on, let's head back to the cave for some good, old-fashioned, bat-deduction!" As they leave, a mysterious figure watches from the distance. It was Bookworm.

"I will throw the ultimate book at the Dynamic Duo," Bookworm said, "My scheme will make my half-wit mad scientist brother Arthur's volcanoes look like school science projects!"

 **MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN IN THE LAIR OF THAT HARLEQUIN OF HATE, THE JOKER…**

Joker was pacing back and forth, while Harlequin and his henchmen looked on.

"It's been three weeks since I've broken out of prison, and I can't think of a super crime for the bat-eared boob! The ultimate joke that will leave him and Gotham City in stitches!" Joker said, "The laughing fish gimmick last month was a complete failure!"

"I never liked fish much anyway, Puddin'," Harlequin said, "Seemed more like a Pengy thing, aside from the smiles."

"Not exactly encouraging, Harley," Joker said, "Boys, did you get me my orange wedges?"

"Right here, boss!" one henchman said, holding a tray of the fruit slices.

"Y'know, I wonder what happened to Catwoman," Harlequin said, "Me and Ivy wanted to team up with her as part of Nora Clavicle's new ladies' league, but no one's seen her for a couple of years."

"Word is she's left town," Joker said, "Probably got stood up for her date with Batman. Besides, Clavicle's a phony anyway. Good thing you didn't team up with her."

"I know where she is," came a voice, "I also have an idea for an ultimate joke on Batman."

"Who are you?" Joker asked, "How'd you get past my security?"

"I am Ra's Al Ghul," the man said, coming into the light, "I am the head of an international group known as the League of Shadows. I know how you can destroy the Detective known as Batman once and for all."

"Oh yeah?" Joker asked, "How do you figure?"

"Because I know who Batman really is." Ra's said.

"And who might he be?" Joker asked.

"For that information, you have to do something for me first." Ra's said.

"Hold on, sir," Joker said, as he spotted his henchmen watching TV in the next room. "Turn that up!"

"Good evening Gothamites," the anchorman said, "This is Jack Ryder with Gotham TV News. I'm here tonight at the home of Millionaire Bruce Wayne, who we're here to discuss his new charitable business venture with, the Harriet Cooper Memorial Orphanage."

"Thank you, Jack," Bruce said, "Harriet was the aunt of my youthful ward, Dick Grayson. Although I'm no longer his legal guardian, she meant a lot to our family. After her tragic death a few months ago, I decided her memory should live on in the form of charitable work she held most dear. As you may well know, both Dick and I are orphans, our parents taken from us by violence. Harriet doted on the two of us, and also regularly volunteered at orphanages throughout the city. That's why the Harriet Cooper Orphanage, sponsored by the Wayne Foundation will give restored hope to orphans throughout the city and across America."

"Thank you, Bruce." Jack said, "Join us next week, as I profile Gotham's most notorious criminal element. We'll begin with arguably the worst this city has to offer with 'Joker: the madness behind the make-up covered mustache."'

"Ooo hoo hoo hoo! Delicious!" Joker cackled, "I've got an idea that will really creep Gotham out! We'll get back to you soon, sir!"

"If you need me, here's my card." Ra's said, handing him a business card.

"Frank N. Stone?" Joker asked, befuddled.

"Yes, it's an alias I once used in England while conducting a failed experiment with robots." Ra's said.

"Oh," Joker said, "That reminds me of a whimsical caper I once pulled with robots of my own."

"Farewell, Joker," Ra's said, as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Wow," Harley said, "He's almost like a vampire or somethin',"

"Never mind that, Harley," Joker said, "We've got enough Bats to focus on without worrying about vampires. Now, Harley go feed the hyenas. I've got to start planning next week's caper that will be a real creep-show!"


	4. Chapter 4

Paradise Island, 1976

Deep within the inner catacombs of the island, Talia Al Ghul sat chained in the Amazonian dungeon for the seventh year in a row now.

"Come on out," she called, "I know you are there. Here kitty, kitty…" A figure stepped out of the shadows. It was Catwoman, having once again taken the form of a short, African-American woman.

"I need work on my stealth skills apparently," Catwoman said.

"No, you are very good. We in the League of Shadows are trained in the art of theatricality and deception, however." Talia said, "I find it most interesting you've taken the form I saw you in when we first met. How do you do that?"

"You…can see my different forms?" Catwoman asked, "How?"

"Unimportant," Talia said, "What is is that we both have a common goal: we each want to leave this island."

"You're not wrong," Catwoman said, "This constant 'working for the good of the island' and not tangling with Batman is getting to be quite purr-turrbing indeed! It's high-time I return to Gotham."

"And me as well," Talia said, "My father's men have a submarine scheduled to arrive at the eastern part of the island in one hour."

"Just enough time for me to purr-loin some of the prrrecious Amazonian treasure!" Catwoman said gleefully.

"I'll need your help if we're to escape." Talia said.

"Don't worry," Catwoman said, "I'll distract the guards and we can sneak out together. I'll be back for you in a half hour. I can pilfer the treasure in more than enough time before that."

"And if Wonder Woman should stand in our way?" Talia asked.

"Then compared to me, her fights with Cheetah will have been like fighting a kitten!" Catwoman said, "Nothing will stop me from returning to Gotham!"

Meanwhile, back in Gotham City, Bruce Wayne and James Gordon were toasting to Gordon's retirement.

"It's been a good run," Gordon said, "I'm just sorry Chief O'Hara couldn't join us. His daughter, Monica, is tending to him."

"I seem to recall your daughter tending to you as well, old friend," Bruce said.

"And I seem to recall that Alfred patched up your wounds more times than he can count," Gordon said, "For the life of me, I can't imagine how I didn't put the pieces together sooner. Then again, I've never been the best at deciphering criminal clues. I don't know what our city would have done without you and the Boy Wonder—forgive me, Nightwing. He may have changed his name and moved to Bludhaven, but this city owes him a debt of gratitude we can never repay."

"Dick's doing fine work in Bludhaven," Bruce said. "And your daughter studying to be a police officer at Harvard for Police."

"Yes, it shocked me when Barbara told me she wanted to take over for me as Commissioner," Gordon said, "But not so much as the revelation that my own daughter had been Batgirl the entire time. Her mother would've been very proud, may she rest in peace. I'm just sorry we couldn't keep our marriage together, but the Queen of Diamonds affair took its toll on her."

"Don't guilt yourself over it, Jim," Bruce said, "These things happen in life. But Barbara has made you both very proud."

"Indeed she has. You're not planning on joining me in retirement anytime soon, I hope?" Gordon asked.

"Rest easy, Commissioner," Bruce said, "Batman will always be around to protect Gotham. As long as I have life in me, this city will be safe."

"You have life, but not a wife." Gordon said, "I always thought you and Catwoman might end up together, that is if the lady leopard could change her spots permanently. How is Catwoman, by the way? I've haven't seen nor heard from her in quite a few years now."

"Catwoman has been sequestered a secret island," Bruce said, "Are you familiar with Wonder Woman?"

"Oh, yes!" Gordon said, "When I fought in the war, the boys used to tell stories of the amazing Amazon all the time."

"It's her island." Bruce said, "She and her people are working to rehabilitate Catwoman along with another old flame of mine. They may have succeeded where I failed."

"Bruce, you haven't failed this city," Gordon said, placing a hand on his shoulder, "The people of Gotham are eternally grateful for you."

"Let's just hope I can live up to their praise when it really counts," Bruce said.

 **MEANWHILE, ACROSS TOWN IN THE HIDEAWAY OF THAT GRINNING GARGOYLE, THE JOKER…**

"Do you have the Joker-gas bombs prepared, sweet Harley?" Joker asked as he turned to his clown queen.

"Sure thing, Mr. J," Harlequin responded.

"Ooo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" Joker cackled, "Soon, Gotham will giggle like never before! Then I, the city's resident funnyman, will rule every comedy club in the city!"

"You think too small," came an eerily familiar voice. "Why settle for Gotham when you can do the ultimate joke, and destroy Batman once and for all?"

 _Where had Joker heard that voice before?_

"I've tried to destroy Batman!" Joker retorted, "I've gassed him, tried to electrocute him, fed him to a giant clam, put him in my human key-duplicator, even tried to out-surf him, yet all were failures!"

"Then you need a different approach," the voice replied, "The Detective is quite resourceful."

"What do you have in mind?" Joker asked, "Who are you?"

"We've met before, my felonious friend," the figure said, as he stepped out of the shadows. It is none other than Ra's Al Ghul. "Ready to take me up on the offer I proposed to you a few years ago?"

"It wouldn't hurt," Joker said.

"I happen to know the true identity of Batman is none other than Millionaire Bruce Wayne." Ra's said.

"That flippant fatcat? Ha!" Joker scoffed, "You'll have to convince me!"

"Did you ever wonder where that pole you found in Wayne Manor during your art caper led to?" Ra's asked.

"The Batcave?" Joker asked, "And how did you know about that?"

"I have spies everywhere, Joker," Ra's said.

"You're not one of those THRUSH agents, are you?" Joker asked, "I'm still peeved Professor Strange didn't pick me for that group."

"No, but THRUSH and the League of Shadows have been rivals for decades." Ra's said.

"OK, say Batman is Bruce Wayne. What do you have in mind?" Joker asked.

"The ultimate joke," Ra's said, "A plan that will leave Batman useless and broken, eliminating his threat to the criminals of Gotham forever."

"And just how do I carry out this ultimate joke, O wise one?" Joker asked, mockingly.

"You've become interested in chemical weapons recently, wanting Gotham to smile, but I propose using the chemical warfare of an acquaintance of yours in Gotham crime, one that will bring out shrieks instead of laughter." Ra's said.

"The Scarecrow?" Joker asked.

"Quite right," Ra's said, "Professor Crane's new fear toxin, mixed with the Sandman's throat spray formula, will allow the subject to temporarily hallucinate their deepest fears."

"But I do jokes, not fear!" Joker said.

"But this time, fear is the joke," Ra's said, "The detective will be immobilized once you strike when he least expects it."

"Hoo, ha, ha, ha, delicious!" Joker said, "I'm in! Let's shake on it!"

"I'd rather not," Ra's said, "Not until business is settled!"

"Saw through my ploy, did you?" Joker asked, annoyed that his joker buzzer gag didn't work that time.

"You cannot outsmart me, clown!" Ra's said.

"We'll see about that," Joker said under his breath.

 **MEANWHILE, BACK AT STATELY WAYNE MANOR…**

Batman was down in the Batcave doing investigating and buzzed up to Alfred.

"Alfred, I'm working on a case," Batman said. "Let me if Barbara calls in or if there are any leads on the Joker's whereabouts."

"Very good, Sir," Alfred said through the two-way bat-radio. "Master Dick has informed me he recently dispatched the Bookworm, who had sequestered himself in Bludhaven. Apparently Bookworm was ranting about a brother of his who is supposedly planning to turn the world into a volcano."

"Interesting," Batman said, "Dick continues to make me proud. My focus right now is Joker, though. Ever since he turned TV anchorman Jack Ryder into the Creeper a few years ago, his crimes have become dangerously unpredictable."

"The fiend has come a long way from his pursuits of winning surfing competitions, eh?" Alfred asked.

"I'm afraid so, Alfred," Batman replied.

"I shall alert you if I hear any news." Alfred said.

"Thank you, old friend," Batman said.

As Bruce was analyzing, Alfred dusted the halls of Wayne Manor, remembering a time when it was once bustling with people ten years prior. Dick and his Aunt Harriet would wander the halls, Harriet being blissfully unaware of her nephew's crime-fighting activities, while Dick eagerly awaited the next crook to sock it to 'em. To Dick, crime fighting was an adventure, but ever since Harriet's death it had become his greatest honor. Suddenly, a ring at the doorbell interrupted Alfred's train of thought down memory lane. He answered the door and before him stood Joker, Harley and their gaggle of goons.

"Good evening," Alfred said.

"Hello Alfred, old pal!" Joker said, "A pleasure seeing you again after all these years!"

"How may I be of service, Joker?" Alfred asked.

"You can tell me where Bruce Wayne is…otherwise known as Batman!" Joker said.

"I don't know what gave you the impression that Mr. Wayne is the city's beloved crime fighter, but as I told you the last time you broke into the Wayne home, Mr. Wayne is not at home. I advise you to vacate the premises at once…if you know what's good for you!"

"And I think you should shut yer yap, Jeeves!" Harley said, as she swung her huge mallet at Alfred's face, knocking him out cold.

"Harley, what'd you go and do that for?" Joker asked, "We were gonna use him to trap Batman!"

"Relax, Puddin', he's just as good of bait knocked out," Harley said, as she grabbed Alfred's bat-buckle. She pressed his emergency belt buckle bat-call signal.

"How'd you know that?" Joker asked.

"Back when I was a psychiatrist as Arkham, Clock King may have let it slip that this old fogey helped foil his robbery of this place with this doohickey here." Harley said.

Suddenly, the alarm blared in the Batcave and Batman dashed up the bat-pole.

"Get ready, Harley," Joker said. Batman dashed into the main hallway.

"Joker, you grinning devil!" Batman exclaimed.

"Hello Batman," Joker said, "Or should we say, Bruce Wayne! Welcome to your doom!"

Joker and Harley tossed smoke pellets with the hallucinogenic fear gas at him. He saw Alfred have a massive heart attack and die on the spot.

"You fiend!" Batman shouted, "You'll pay for this!"

"Puddin'! Harley shouted, as Batman grabbed Joker. He started to strangle him and then dragged him over to the Batcave and slid down the Batpole with him.

"Batman, Bruce, be reasonable about this!" Joker said.

"No, reason died when you killed Alfred!" Batman shouted, "I will kill you, Joker!"

He grabbed the Clown Prince of Crime by the collar as they climbed up the Atomic Pile. The Caped Crusader lowered him into the nuclear tower.

"Have mercy, Batman!" Joker begged, "You wouldn't let your own pal, fry, would you?"

"You're no pal of mine!" Batman sneered, "A twisted devil like you deserves no mercy! For too long I've watched as your reign of madness plagued this city! Well, no more! It ends tonight! Ten years ago, I couldn't save one of Riddler's girls who met her demise in this very atomic pile. But you're a different story. Goodbye, Joker!" The Clown Prince of Crime shrieked as Batman let go of him, his screams echoing those of Molly, who met the same fate ten years earlier. As Batman sulked over the chamber, he was met from behind with the swift blow of a mallet. Harley knocked him out.

"That's what you get for murderin' my Puddin'!" Harley screamed.

"Relax, Harley-girl!" I'm ok!" came a whisper. It was Joker, who popped up from behind one of the bat-machines.

"Mr. J!" Harley said, "You're alive!"

"Because Batman never threw me in! He only imagined it!" Joker said, "But just to be on the safe side, I grabbed one his canisters of bat-anti-isotope spray to guard against any chance of radioactivity! Now, quickly, let's grab the old coot and high-tail it out of here!"

 **MEANWHILE, BACK ON PARADISE ISLAND…**

Catwoman knocked out the Amazonian guards with the knockout gas in her claws and started to grab as much treasure as she could carry in her loot sack. She quickly made her way back to the dungeon, where she gassed more guards and freed Talia from her shackles.

"Impressive, Catwoman," Talia said, "Maybe you do have a place in the League of Shadows after all!"

"Enough chit-chat," Catwoman said, "Time is prrrecious. Let's go!"

"Yes, my Father's submarine awaits!" Talia said.

"Just one moment, there!" came a voice.

"Wonder Woman!" they both exclaimed, as the Amazon Princess stood before them.

"You didn't really think you could fool Amazon warriors, did you, Catwoman?" Diana asked, "We've been keeping eyes on you. And here I was, so hoping our Amazon ways had helped you reform. You've done so much good for our sisters here on the island." Dalma, Antiope and Fausta surrounded them.

"Maybe," Catwoman said, "But being a criminal is in my nature and my heart will always belong to Gotham City." She threw a smoke bomb, and she and Talia made a break for it as Wonder Woman and her Amazon sisters were caught off guard.

Catwoman and Talia ran towards the submarine as Wonder Woman ran after them. She was about to lasso them, when a firm hand on her shoulder, stopped her.

"Let them go, daughter." Hippolyta commanded.

"But Mother they're dangerous!" Diana protested, "They must face justice!"

"They will, dear," Hippolyta said, "Themis told me so. They're the problem of Man's World now. No doubt your Batman friend will capture them."

"Let's hope you're right, Mother," Diana said, as the sub drifted away.

Back in Gotham City, a concerned Barbara Gordon made her way down to the Batcave. A week had passed since Bruce tangled with the Joker. Barbara entered the cave to find Bruce sulking.

"Bruce," she said slowly, "My father tried both the bat-hotline and the Wayne phones and received no answer, even though he's been retired for a week now." Bruce sat in silence, a beard growing on his face now.

"If you stay down here much longer, you'll smell worse than the bat-guano." she continued, her poor attempt to cheer him up with humor failing, "I want you to know that I've taken over for my father as Police Commissioner. I graduated from Harvard for Police last week with Chief O'Hara's daughter, Monica. She and I will be working together, but I will still operate as Batgirl when you need me, though actually I've decided to call myself Batwoman now. Bruce, I'm so sorry about Alfred. He was my friend too, but I'm concerned about you. Gotham City needs the Batman."

"It…was my fault, Barbara," Bruce said, breaking his silence, "If only I had gotten there sooner, Alfred would still be…and Joker…"

"Bruce, you're not a murderer." Barbara said.

"Don't you get it, Barbara?" Bruce retorted, "That's exactly want I am. I broke the vow I made to my parents by killing Joker, and dishonoring their memory as well as Alfred's. Gotham will have to function without a Batman, because Batman's time has ended. I've…killed him too."


	5. Epilogue

Some time later, at Ra's Al Ghul's stronghold in Nepal…

A bald man walked in to a torch-lit room and unmasked Alfred. Ra's Al Ghul stood before him.

"Thank you, Ubu," Ra's said, "You may leave now."

"Yes, Master," Ubu said.

"I'll have you know, sir, that I've been kidnapped by many a ruffian in my day, and you will not overpower me." Alfred said.

"Yes, Mr. Pennyworth, we'll have no backtalk from you." Ra's said, as he knocked him out with knockout gas in his glove.

"Maybe he'll be my new tosser!" Joker said with a chuckle as he waltzed in the room, "Do you have any orange wedges?"

"One of my maidservants will prepare a bowl for you," Ra's said.

"What do we do now?" Joker asked.

"You and Mr. Pennyworth must stay here for quite some time, if we're to truly break the Detective." Ra's said, "But don't worry, I have plans for you both. Mr. Pennyworth will not only reveal Batman's secrets, but also vital information he obtained while working in British intelligence with the late Alexander Waverly."

"By the way, what did you use to substitute Alfred's body with?" Joker asked, "Clayface?"

"No, Joker," Ra's said, "As I told you, I once specialized in designing robot duplicates in England. I simply created one of Alfred and deactivated it. Now come, you must share with me the most devious plans you've had for the Detective over the years."

"Hoo, ha, ha, ha, ha! Excellent!" Joker laughed, "I try to feed them to a giant clam, crush them with a meteorite museum exhibit, and even press the Boy Blunder into his own comic book!"

"Well, I have special plans for you, Joker," Ra's said. Ubu swiftly knocked him out with a karate chop to his neck. He turned to his bodyguard, "Take the clown to his quarters and make sure he's out of tricks."

"Yes, Master." Ubu said with a bow.

"Father, I have returned," Talia said, as she came into the room.

"Talia, I see your escape was a success," Ra's said, "Were you able to acquire anything of value from Paradise Island?"

"Catwoman stole some treasure, but I learned the location of their Lazarus Pit in relation to ours and the one in Gotham. I dropped Catwoman off there, by the way."

"Excellent," Ra's said, "Our plans for the destruction of Gotham can now commence. Neither Batman, Wonder Woman or anyone else can stop us!"


End file.
